I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize