Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
