My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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