Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
