Already got asked if we're dating
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
