Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
