on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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