Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
