You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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