Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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