What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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