We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Randomize
