Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
