you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize