I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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