All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
