This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
