I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
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