So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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