he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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