i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
He told me they were just razor bumps!
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
It's shark week go big or go home
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
