listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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