Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
