Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
