I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
