3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
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I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
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