dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
