I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
