you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
