I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
