you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
