im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
