CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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