i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
