ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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