turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
