I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
