ugly people sure do ruin things
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
