You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
