Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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