so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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