turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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