My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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