How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
