Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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