Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
