We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
