Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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