I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
You Wouldn’t Guess That These 25 Celebrities Are Complete A**holes
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in