Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
