i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
