Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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