Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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