I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize
