So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
