I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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