What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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