my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
