Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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