wat bout pragnant strippers??
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
