My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
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