dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
