did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
