we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
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I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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