I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
