I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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