Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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