i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Randomize
