Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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