chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize