I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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