I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
