Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
