So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
