You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
