sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
