If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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