Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
