Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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