Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
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I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
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All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.