Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(908): View more from New Jersey

i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.

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(908): i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it. http://tfl.nu/dy81

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(847): View more from Illinois

why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.

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(847): why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair. http://tfl.nu/rhhz

Replies (26) Good night (861) Bad night (5694)
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(305): View more from Florida

I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.

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(305): I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry. http://tfl.nu/el5m

Replies (65) Good night (1013) Bad night (4562)
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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year

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(412): Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year http://tfl.nu/b3y5

Replies (14) Good night (1182) Bad night (4724)
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(765): View more from Indiana

let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.

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(765): let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment. http://tfl.nu/novi

Replies (17) Good night (7124) Bad night (1004)
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(617): View more from Massachusetts

wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....

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(617): wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara..... http://tfl.nu/je0j

Replies (17) Good night (5440) Bad night (1149)
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(630): View more from Illinois

You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot

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(630): You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot http://tfl.nu/u2s7

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(404): View more from Georgia

What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.

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(404): What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs. http://tfl.nu/w7nv

Replies (18) Good night (4545) Bad night (1159)
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(248): View more from Michigan

This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.

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(248): This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once. http://tfl.nu/vt1p

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(940): View more from Texas

An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.

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(940): An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese. http://tfl.nu/bzrb

Replies (7) Good night (3334) Bad night (870)
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(352): View more from Florida

I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!

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(352): I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas! http://tfl.nu/fx1v

Replies (4) Good night (1797) Bad night (539)
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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.

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(306): I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life. http://tfl.nu/odbf

Replies (4) Good night (1141) Bad night (484)
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(262): View more from Wisconsin

Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.

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(262): Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk. http://tfl.nu/thay

Replies (2) Good night (947) Bad night (494)
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(513): View more from Ohio

Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.

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(513): Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now. http://tfl.nu/fv9l

Replies (5) Good night (922) Bad night (494)
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(425): View more from Washington

I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth

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(425): I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth http://tfl.nu/e6vt

Replies (2) Good night (528) Bad night (235)

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