dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
handjob tips. give me some.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
His hands were made for my vagina.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.