Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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