Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
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the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
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Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy