Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
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He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
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We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.