It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
