Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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