R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
