It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
